Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
