Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
