Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
