Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
