i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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