just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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