were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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