omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
