Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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