I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
