quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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