I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize