K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
