Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
