I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
