Non-Jews are for practice
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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