So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
