I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Floor bacon is actually really good
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My life is pants optional.
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