Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
