I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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