i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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