I think I died a long time ago.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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