My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
