well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
