I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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