went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
