I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
