i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
