Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't turn off my feet"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize