good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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