I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
