I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
