he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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