Did you just see the Batmobile???
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
