when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
