Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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