the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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