GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
