You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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