He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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