i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
