Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
