is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
