It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
