If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize