discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
