I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
