I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize