oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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