Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
