Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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