I love having hate sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
