I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
