life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
