I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize