There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
