help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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