Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
