She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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