Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
