Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
