i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
