I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
