So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
