bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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