I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
