wrigley field is MILF paradise
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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