He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
