I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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