I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Shame - the story of my life.
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