dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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