He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
